Moving on? Advice from people who have no idea

I think if another person says to me at the moment you must move on, or you should be improving by now I will punch someone. People that offer such advice have no idea !! I realise that most people are only trying to help you with comments that they have to say but unless you have been through it yourself then honestly you just can't relate. We are lucky that we have made some great new friends through this personal tradgety, couples that have been through similar experiences and it is nice to talk to them because they tend to understand where you are when it comes to your feelings and their advice is benefitial. My dearest friends seem to know the right things to say the majority of the time which is great and believe me both my wife and I have certainly figured out who our real friends are. They always try and help us and to these people we can't thankyou enough.
You feel like saying to the others, my son is still in heaven isn't he, and he is not coming back, how do I deal with that or move on as such, it is not as easy as you think.
Luke was our first born, and he will always be so special to my wife and I. The overpowering feeling that I had the instance I laid my eyes on him was unbelievable. A feeling that I will always hold as close to my heart as I possibly can. IT WAS JUST THE BEST.
Don't get me wrong I do appreciate peoples advice sometimes but only if they know what they are talking about and not just think they do.
I suppose I am just looking to vent my frustrations out on someone at the minute so thought I would type it to my blog. I just miss my little son and wish everyday that he was still here with us nice and healthy. I just feel so incomplete without him, like a piece of me died with him. It's probably the part of my heart that will be treasured for Luke and only Luke.
I know I must get my act together for my wife's sake and for mine because life does go on, even if you don't want it too sometimes, and I know that bubby would want his Mum and Dad happy and not always sad. I miss you everyday boy. xxxxxxxxxx

The best memories never fade

Today is the first anniversary of our bubbies death and boy it's hard work. The memories of what we were doing this time last year are more vivid than ever. These memories are with us every single day but today they are just so much clearer.
We both wondered how we would cope today and so far it has been one major rollercoaster of emotions. My wife and I have just finished looking at all of Luke's photos and then we watched the 90 second video that we have of him. (it is just so special to us). It brought me undone big time, what I would do just to hold our son one more time, to touch his little hands, to feel his hair and to give him a big kiss. All these things I'm sure alot of parents take for granted, if only they new. I just wish every single day that things could have been different, we both have so much love for our son and unfortunatly we can't show him that in person. I really hope that he is watching over us and that he knows just how special to Cindy and me he is and always will be.
I would give up anything to have him back with us healthy and not suffering.
Our son Luke, the part of us that will always be the most special. xxx

THE DAY OUR HEARTS BROKE

It is fast approaching my son's 1st birthday and the thought of not being able to spend it with him is just another constant reminder of what he and us are missing out on. Mind you the reminders are everywhere, people pushing prams, kids playing, tv shows, it's just everywhere and each time I see something like this my mind goes straight to my little boy Luke.
Luke died 2 days after he was born, from "The vein of Galen Malformation", in lamens turns it was a large vein in his brain that placed too much pressure on his heart to handle. We went from being the perfect family to a family heartbroken and incomplete. Luke was all my wife and I wanted, a special little boy that we could dote on all day, everyday, to love, to hold and to cherish. SURELY THAT WAS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR ?
It was not too be though as our special little son passed away in Melbourne after fighting bravely for the 2 days he was with us.
The Melbourne trip was an emotional rollercoaster, we new Luke was sick but we still hoped that the best doctors over there would be able to save our son and eventually we would bring him home and spoil him rotten. I'll never forget walking into the special care nursery where Luke was and seeing him attached to all these machines, my heart just smashed into a million pieces, I kept telling him that Daddy was here and how much I loved him but in the back of my mind was a major resentment towards myself and that is still there today. "I had let my little boy down so badly, he was suffering and I couldn't fix it". I was supposed to be the protector of our family and now my little boy was dying and my wife's heart was broken. I had let the 2 most special people in my life down bigtime. I remember staring at my special boy and checking his features out thoroughly, he looked the splitting image of me (poor little bugger) apart from his big feet which he got from his mummy. I couldnt believe that I had a son, the overwhelming love you instantly feel for your children the moment they are born is one that I will never ever forget. All you want to do is protect them and love them to absolute bits.
The day we had to make the decision to turn his ventilator off was the hardest yet the easiest decision we have had to make. We so badly wanted Luke to be ok but we just knew it was not going to be the case and there was no way we were going to let our little bubby boy suffer. It seems like yesterday, I can still picture the room that we went into for his final hours. It was special time, yet the cruelest, just Luke, Cindy and me, our family. Luke bravely fought for what seemed like hours, he did not want to leave us but as he stuggled to breathe we both told him that it was ok and he didn't need to fight anymore. We constantly told him how much we loved him, and we always will because to me and my wife he was our world.
We held him in our arms as he finally passed away. Our special little angel gone to be with his Poppys in heaven. I will love my son always and always wonder what if.
This world of ours is just the cruelest place to be sometimes.