Getting Closer, but.......
Has been a while since I posted so thought I would write a few things down, why exactly I never really know.
I am excited at the thought of the arrival of another little baby, in fact I can't wait but always on my mind is our most special little boy. CJ and I have began setting up the nursery which we are determined to make a happy experience and not relate it to Luke as that would not be fair on our next little arrival but bloody oath its hard work.
I found myself the other day standing in the doorway of the nursery staring into space.......when this happens my mind goes straight to Luke, it happens quite regularly, I could be anywhere at anytime and then that happens.....it's difficult to deal with.
I want to remember every single moment I had with Luke but the majority of time I end up in tears as the time was too short, too cruel, too hard and the end result life shattering but if I don't make myself deal with it then I feel guilty that I don't think enough. I wish there was an easy way but the nightmares of Melbourne are still so vivid and cruel.
How do I deal with the fact that I held my most precious little boy in my arms until he died? I was thankful for the fact that myself and CJ were there when it happened as we kept telling him how much we love him and that Mummy and Daddy were there with him but I wanted it to be me not our little boy. He was so little and had not hurt anyone and now his life was being taken before it began. Get a religous nut to justify and explain that to me. The nightmares will never end but I must push through it as my wife needs me to be strong for her and of course our next arrival.
This child will be spoilt rotten, as we have so much love to give and we owe it to ourselves and to Luke to be the best of parents as I know we will. I know that Luke has been helping his Mummy from above and I often talk to him and ask for all the help he can give me to be stronger than I am. The old tale of a man doesnt cry and he has to be the strength in the family is very hard sometimes especially when you lose a part of you that means more to you than your own self. People must deal with it though because unfortunatly there are many parents out there who have suffered as CJ and I have and to all of them I pass on my best wishes as life really is too hard sometimes but now I live for myself and for my son as that is what he would want me to do and to also take care of his Mummy and my beautiful wife.
KISSES AND HUGS FOR YOU BUBBY AS YOUR DAD LOVES YOU SO MUCH XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I am excited at the thought of the arrival of another little baby, in fact I can't wait but always on my mind is our most special little boy. CJ and I have began setting up the nursery which we are determined to make a happy experience and not relate it to Luke as that would not be fair on our next little arrival but bloody oath its hard work.
I found myself the other day standing in the doorway of the nursery staring into space.......when this happens my mind goes straight to Luke, it happens quite regularly, I could be anywhere at anytime and then that happens.....it's difficult to deal with.
I want to remember every single moment I had with Luke but the majority of time I end up in tears as the time was too short, too cruel, too hard and the end result life shattering but if I don't make myself deal with it then I feel guilty that I don't think enough. I wish there was an easy way but the nightmares of Melbourne are still so vivid and cruel.
How do I deal with the fact that I held my most precious little boy in my arms until he died? I was thankful for the fact that myself and CJ were there when it happened as we kept telling him how much we love him and that Mummy and Daddy were there with him but I wanted it to be me not our little boy. He was so little and had not hurt anyone and now his life was being taken before it began. Get a religous nut to justify and explain that to me. The nightmares will never end but I must push through it as my wife needs me to be strong for her and of course our next arrival.
This child will be spoilt rotten, as we have so much love to give and we owe it to ourselves and to Luke to be the best of parents as I know we will. I know that Luke has been helping his Mummy from above and I often talk to him and ask for all the help he can give me to be stronger than I am. The old tale of a man doesnt cry and he has to be the strength in the family is very hard sometimes especially when you lose a part of you that means more to you than your own self. People must deal with it though because unfortunatly there are many parents out there who have suffered as CJ and I have and to all of them I pass on my best wishes as life really is too hard sometimes but now I live for myself and for my son as that is what he would want me to do and to also take care of his Mummy and my beautiful wife.
KISSES AND HUGS FOR YOU BUBBY AS YOUR DAD LOVES YOU SO MUCH XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
posted by PROUD DADDY at 12:00 pm
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