HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY

Yesterday was our little boys second birthday, I remember exactly what was happening this time 2 years ago, seeing my son born was just amazing and that is one of the special memories that I will carry with me forever.

Yesterday was tough, as CJ and I both wished he was with us opening up his pressies and making a mess with his birthday cake but no such luck for us. Instead we went out to his little grave at the cemetary and took him 2 big balloons, his special candles made by Aunty Glenda and his pretend cake.......bloody hell life sux........the huge wave of emotion that flows through your body is just excruciating.........we kept it together as best we could...........but in private I went to pieces..........I just miss him so very very much.

Happy Birthday Bubby Boy your Dad does love you and I miss you xxxxxxx

BEATING FLAT OUT

CJ had her scan 2 days ago and we were both so relieved when we saw our little baby's heart beating away flat out..........we also got to see the little arms and legs moving at a rapid rate.....a real little wriggle worn.........it was very exciting and CJ just went to pieces through shere relief...........only another 3 weeks and we will be out of the danger zone so at the moment we have everything crossed and are staying as positive as possible.

It is Luke's birthday this Sunday and then his anniversary on the Tuesday so both those will be our next obstacle to overcome because those days just rip your heart to pieces yet again.....we both just wish he was here with us opening his pressies and running amuk, but unfortunatly that will not be happening.......but we will remember our little Bubby for the beautiful little man he was and how honoured we both are to be his parents.

Love you lots Bubby Luke xxxxxx

MIXED EMOTIONS & TRUE FRIENDS

Since our exciting news of Cindy being pregnant life has taken a rather strange turn. I seem to be in no-mans land again of not really knowing how to act or what to say. I am very excited about the upcoming birth of our 2nd child but also on my mind is how I wish this child was Luke and I realise that that is not fair on our unborn little baby. CJ won't speak about being pregnant as yet, she is still not really admitting it but I believe that will change when we go to our next scan and see the little heart beating away.......I can't wait for that day.

We both are very nervous, anxious and scared to bits about going through it all again but hopefully we will be lucky enough this time for our baby to be ok. Even writing these words I feel bad as it's like I am letting Luke down, but I also know deep down that he wouldn't be thinking that and he would realise that his Mum and me will always love him in a very very special way. Luke "Bubby" was our first born and I will never ever forget meeting our little boy for the first time, it was just incredible such an overwelming feeling of love that I have never come close to previously experiencing.

People who have not spoken to us for a long time suddenlyl seem to want to be around us again, and talk about CJ being pregnant, I know on more that one occassion that she has just wished they would go away. It's like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" when we have needed you when we lost Luke, don't come out of the cupboard now you think we are ok.......nothing will change how we ever feel about losing our special son we are just learning to cope with it as best we can.

We want to share this special occassion with our TRUE friends who stuck with us through the hard times and not just the good. To all these people and trust me I know who every single one of them is all I can say is Thankyou from the bottom of my heart and that I will never forget any of you and how much it means to have you as CJ and my treasured friends.

Monday coming is our next scan and I know everything will be ok because big brother Luke will help us from in heaven from the comfort of his Poppies knee. I just know that my Dad would be spoiling him rotten. I just wish more than anything that it was me and his Mummy doing it.

Love you darlin little boy xxxxxxxxx