Life continues to drift by without anything apart from my wife and closest friends meaning anything to me. CJ and I made the decisions a few months ago to try and give our special boy a little brother or sister. It would be the 2nd hardest decision either of us has ever had to make. So many emotions rush through me, virtually all of them relate to little Luke....what would he think? .....does he realise that the love we have for him will never change, nothing could come close to the feeling i had of seeing my little man for the first time and the way he snuggled in to me when I cuddled him for the first time, how he curled his thumb up and those huge feet that I know he got from his Mum.
I wish I could talk to him and explain that he will always be the most special thing in mine and CJ'S life.
CJ and I talked about trying again long before we decided that we were ready to but it just doesn't seem to be working and we can't figure out why? We both want to be parents again, in fact it's all either of us want. I want Cindy to be a Mum so badly as I know she would be fantastic and I also think I would be pretty good to. My Dad sure set a high example for me to follow and now I understand why as the love I have for Luke can not be matched, it's just the most awesome feeling in the world.
CJ'S period is due today and I am so hoping that it doesn't come as I know how upset she will be if it arrives. She doesn't say alot but I know her well enough to know that deep down it crushes her and I must admit it upsets me big time too..... but thats life I guess, alot of the time it's just so unfair.....hopefully though this year will be better for us and we will have another child to bring up and increase our little family to 4. If not then we will just keep trying because we want this so badly for each other.
Fingers crossed.
